Confessions of a Serial Entrepreneur – Tradeoffs

Last week my father passed away. My mother passed away last year, exactly one year, one month one week and one day before my father. My mother’s death was unexpected as she had a stroke and within two weeks had passed. When my mother passed away, my father was also in the hospital as he broke his foot in a couple of places and cracked three ribs from a fall. Together they could survive, but with one gone within two weeks my father decided after being released from the hospital that he needed to move into assisted living. He chose to move into the Empire, which was great as it was literally across the street from my office, making it easier for me to pop in more often. I tried to pop in during a break in my day whenever I could, but it never seemed long enough or often enough due to work demands. I have tried to walk this delicate balance of work and life for the past 40 years and I still struggle with it. Sometimes I feel like I am in a lose/lose scenario.

 

I know I am not alone feeling this way. There are many other demanding professions that put a lot of pressure on time, and time is our most valuable resource. It is way more important than money, especially when you have enough money to take care of the necessities of life. I have never gone on vacation without bringing my computer and always did work or email along the way. I do not think I have taken vacation longer than 10 calendar days in the last 26 years. Except, for the time I tried retirement for three weeks, only to spend the time digging a trench for an 8” irrigation pipe through 200 feet of forest with a pickaxe and a shovel. I hired a local guy to help me nicknamed the “human excavator”. He commented about 1.5 weeks into the job that he never saw anyone that had a desk job working as hard as I did. I took that as a compliment.

 

Now I realized early that if it did not get into my calendar it would drop off the list. If I wanted to do something I had to schedule it, weekends included. When my first son was at the age to begin playing hockey and soccer I was taking my MBA part-time – two courses per term delivered over every second weekend and continuous group meetings. I would not recommend taking an MBA with three small kids (my poor wife). We did it and it was probably one of those key turning points of my life. We would put the kids to bed around 8pm and then I would sit down at the computer to bang out whatever assignment was required. Every course had large group assignments. I drank a lot of Pepsi for the caffeine. During this time, I did not get to coach my son’s hockey or soccer teams and I regret that. He did move on to become a competitive swimmer and had a great group of coaches. My wife assisted with some timing at swim meets and thankfully did all the morning practice drives but I was mostly only a spectator at the meets.

 

When my daughter and youngest son came to the sporting age I decided I would coach and I put all the practices and games into my schedule so I could plan. I remember the first year I coached my daughter on the A&W hockey team I did everything (coach, run practices and manage). I had some parents open and close the doors on the bench during the games. I should have asked for more help – live and learn. It was a fun year and at times I would arrive in dress pants and shirt to run the practice. I coached or assisted coaching 19 hockey teams and 12 soccer teams over the years, many times two hockey teams in the winter and two soccer teams in the summer and most of those teams at the rep level. I became wiser as I realized I could not be the main coach because I travelled too much so I became an assistant coach or co-coached. Lot of fun over those years but it was all possible because I schedule everything and lived by the clock. Time constraints create strain and pressure but it was the only way we could manage it. One month between my wife and I we filled up the two vehicles with gas 19 times between tournaments and swim meets.

 

The truth is you will never have enough time to do all the things you want to do in life – so focus. There is nothing like an impending deadline to help you focus. I think I do well in tight spaces. When I was young and worked for my father in his autobody shop, many times we worked on rusty cars. Car manufactures use the inferior Phillips screw (star) as the Robertson screw (square) was patented and it cost more money to use it. Now trying to unscrew a rusted screw in a tight place – you cannot see but only feel. It is akin to what I mean by tight spaces. You cannot get upset or mad as that is not going to help you, nor will it loosen the screw, in fact you will either strip the screw or damage your hand. You must remain calm, think of options and set about the task at hand. The focus becomes linear step A didn’t work try B, C, etc. The same is true when raising capital, you cannot panic but set about the task at hand. It is funny but when trying to loosen the forementioned screw, I found it easier to close my eyes to focus.

 

As a father I never want to put my kids in a situation where I make them feel guilty because of time. When they were young, I think it was good that they experienced my absence at times. There was nothing better than coming home after a long trip and having your kids greet you at the door. But there is a fine balance between too little and too much attention and like me I am sure everyone struggles with it. When you get older you have more time while your kids are busier in their lives. Friends are what fill the gaps and the more friends you have the less gaps you have.

 

I have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. One day I was telling this to a friend and he said to me if you really wanted to play the guitar you would already be playing the guitar. He was right. I never learned how to play the guitar, as all my other choices in life seemed more important to me. To compensate I sing once in a while to embarrass my children or make my friends smile.

 

I was lucky that my parents live nearby so we were able to see each other often enough. I hope you find your often enough with your loved ones.

 

My Dad was a country and western fan, and he liked this song by Willie Nelson called Always on My Mind – maybe he liked it because he knew that even if we were not always together we were always on his mind. And maybe he also felt the pressure of time.

 

Enjoy the moment!